The One-Finding the Right Critique Partner

Ahh, it’s that time again. I’m looking for a critique partner. I realize it’s much like dating.
Can I find The One?

The one writer who will understand how I write, someone who can be the sounding board when my book leads astray, someone who will never say, “your writing is crappy” or a better yet someone who won’t tear my writing down. Someone who understands I hate the word writhe.(trauma from my childhood)

Does that type of person even exist?

It’s so hard to find a good critique partner now and days.

I’ve heard the horror stories and I heard the ones where the critique partners get published around the same time. So there’s a trepidation and an excitement that I might have found The One.

So I’ll keep searching. So far I’m one for two. Keep your fingers crossed for me. It’s a jungle out there.

Officially pulling my hair out

Saturday I received the post card I sent with my Q&S. I now know Harlequin has it. Can you hear me freaking out over the Internet?

I can say I cried with my first Q&S, but I think that one got lost in the mail. But this time I know they have it. Am I just waiting for my first rejection letter? Hope not. If they want a full or partial will my stomach feel like I left it at the top of this “getting published” roller coaster. Most definitely.

I never truly wanted anything more in my life than to write. When I first started it just felt right to make up people and solve all of their problems. Then I finished my first book and I was hooked. It’s the greatest feeling in the world to finish a book. Now I’m putting myself and my dreams out there. I think I couldn’t be more proud of myself. I’m 21 years old and I know what in this hectic world I want.

So now the true waiting begins.

AT LEAST I DIDN’T CRY

Other writers suggest you should have buddy to go with you when you send off your writing. I totally agree. I roped in my mother to hold my hand while at the post office. She’s there to be the good angel that whispers words of encouragement when, me, the bad angel tells me to run out of the building.

What are you doing?

Your book is no where near ready.

The good angel (my mother) tells me that it’s just a query and synopsis, I have time to polish. Have good thoughts they will ask for a partial or a full of the manuscript.

What she doesn’t know is that scares me the most. I would have to hand over my baby and get a subjective opinion of my writing. Just thinking about that makes me want to hyperventilate. I may not be up to par and don’t know it. Or worst I am, but my writing can’t sell.

So I try to be the good angel and repeat I’m a great writer. Yet that little voice is freaking out.

Is this the right address, am I spelling the editors name right?

Did I send enough postage? Did I forget to put a comma after the salutation?
I’m a great writer.

Did I make a newbie error that would get my stuff tossed before it’s even read?
I’m a great writer.

Besides driving myself half way insane just trying to send the thing, I hand over my future to a grumpy looking post man who has worked there since my mother moved from Texas. I was seven, I’m now 21 and she even confesses she’s never seen him smile. So I’m handing over my future to a man who probably throws away futures i.e. mail, for fun, just to get his jollies.

I’m a great writer, I keep telling myself.

Yet,that doesn’t stop me from tensing up when I he puts it in the large mail box. (Yes, I watched him toss it in there. It made me want to strangle him and say “that’s my future you just carelessly tossed”.)But I digress. It’s done,I did it, and now the waiting may finish me off.

Now who said again writing was easy?

TWO BLOGS IN ONE MONTH I MUST BE ON A ROLL

I’ve gotten to work through my first three chapters. Trying to catch all that I have missed the first thousands of times I’ve read it. Fixing things that just seem blah to me. So by tomorrow I’m hoping to have this baby out the door.

Just thinking about sending it off makes me nervous. Most likely I’ll get a rejection letter. This isn’t written to down my writing I just feel deep down in my bones that I’m just not ready yet. What makes the whole process scary is that the universe may say that I am and get a revision letter or a call saying they want to buy my book.

As some say I’ve bled on the page and this is my heart. Each word that I typed is something personal. Intellectually, a rejection is saying they aren’t in love with your writing. In my heart that’s saying my writing sucks, I suck. Who said this writing business was easy?

Anyway, I’ll give a blow by blow of how I had a panic attack outside of the post office.

I’m Horrible about this Blogging Thing

I could type a long list of reasons why I don’t blog often, but they’ll just be excuses. Well here’s an update instead. For my NaNoWriMo I made it to 26, 000 that’s about 900 words a day which translates to about 2-3 pages. Not bad. Getting into the spirit of the new year I wrote out writing goals for at the least the first six months of 2007. Here they are:

Writing Goals for 2007:

Send synopsis, query, and first 3 chapters to Harlequin: Desire by January 31, 2007 for my book How Much You Wanna Bet?

Think of title for NaNoWriMo and finish the first draft by March 1, 2007
WRITE 500 WORDS A DAY OR ELSE!!!!

Possibly look at Love Unexpected to see if it can be saved.

Remind myself daily that I am a GREAT writer even when it feels like I’m shoveling S#^T.

The last bit was inspired by Jennifer Crusie’s Cherry Forum site. If you haven’t checked this site out then you are missing your daily vitamins of life. The gist of this particular thread that started a wild fire of epiphanies is that you must believe that you have the right for greatness. For this site it’s writing but I think the concept can bleed into whatever you love to do and nothing is too minute for you to believe that you are great. A great mother, a great wife, the best d@#n sewer, car salesman, whatever.

If I don’t stick to my other goals this is the one I will tell myself everyday because honestly it put a fire in me that I haven’t felt since I first started to write in 2004. I’d be lying if I said I write just because I love to do it. Yes, that’s true, but I also want to be published. It won’t define me if I never do. It won’t say that my writing sucks either, but it’ll be nice. In truth I write, because I want to touch someone’s life. That’s where the greatness comes from. Who am I to want to make someone’s life better if only just for a few hours?

And just for that I am a great writer. (Jenny would be so proud.)