Dear Reader, I have devised an evil plot against my children

October 9, 2008 at 4:45 am 11 comments

I would feel bad if it wasn’t so genius that Dr. Evil would be jealous of my plan. I’m doing it for you faithful reader. I want to write more *i.e. get more books to you my faithful readers*, but I have this pesky problem called sibling rivarly. My children fight for center stage ALL THE TIME. Now I’m not against spending time with them. I play games with them, I mock scary movies with them, I paint my daughter’s toenails with clear polish–she’s not old enough for color dammit–when it’s called for I put on a cape and act like a Superhero with my son. All I ask for is some writing time. Not insane amounts, but an hour of “MommyMommyMommyMommyMOMMommyMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOM!!!!!!!!” free time.

So what is my simple, evil plan that will make me a member of the Evil League of Evil?

My daughter’s grandfather provided it–A Gamecube. Yes, a video game. It’s so simple in it’s evilness they don’t even realize they’ve been had. I’ve bought a Cars and Bratz(or “s”) game. They sneak off and play for HOURS. Yes, all I needed was one, but they disappear for HOURS. After two hours I rescue them from the inherent Brain Rot, but not before I get my writing time in.

So, should I put rhinestones on my evil lab coat or just make a crown?

*Cue evil laughter.*

EDITED TO ADD: Hence forth this will now be my crown and septor of evil

And I’m considering this labcoat. It yells romance writer.

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11 Comments Add your own

  • 1. coffeegirl88  |  October 9, 2008 at 1:59 pm

    I think a crown would be perfect.

  • 2. edie17  |  October 9, 2008 at 2:17 pm

    I vote for the crown too. 🙂

  • 3. Crystal Jordan  |  October 9, 2008 at 2:45 pm

    Why not both?

  • 4. SLC Slave Driver  |  October 9, 2008 at 3:02 pm

    If you are going pimp your labcoat may I suggest a Be-Dazzler? Much more effecient than trying to affix those pesky rhinestones by hand. Better yet, let the kids do it for you. Your own little sweat shop. Thats really evil.

    I have the luxury at this point of a teenager…she not only can entertain herself but at her tender age wants absolutly nothing to do with me whatsoever, unless it involves money or transportation. I, you see, am nothing but a big embarassment, whose goal in life is, apparently, to make her very existence miserable.

    YAY! Go me!

    Actually, I taught my child to play Solitare on the computer when she was five, so I could get some farm chores done she could learn her numbers and colors…

    Cue manical laughter…

  • 5. Melissa Blue  |  October 9, 2008 at 3:27 pm

    Cynthia and Edie-I am keen to getting a crown.

  • 6. Melissa Blue  |  October 9, 2008 at 3:28 pm

    Crystal, I’m starting to think you are a genius that not even my mind can comprehend.

    Why not, indeed.

  • 7. Melissa Blue  |  October 9, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    Actually, I taught my child to play Solitare on the computer when she was five, so I could get some farm chores done she could learn her numbers and colors…

    Cue manical laughter…

    Well, I can see you’ve been an honorary member for some time. But my plans are on a much larger scale and much more evil. A mother has to have some ambition.

  • 8. Dianna  |  October 9, 2008 at 4:00 pm

    I also have an evil plan. My precious is only 3 months old and I leave her at day care for an extra hour so I can write. I feel like a horrible mommy, but I laugh maniacally when I open my computer.

  • 9. coffeegirl88  |  October 10, 2008 at 12:21 pm

    I agree, if you get the pink lab coat you must Be-Dazzle it. I mean otherwise, if you wear it with your crown it’s just going to get lost.

  • 10. Melissa Blue  |  October 10, 2008 at 3:28 pm

    Diana, no need to feel guilty for an extra hour. And really we should work on our laughs together.

  • 11. Melissa Blue  |  October 10, 2008 at 3:31 pm

    I mean otherwise, if you wear it with your crown it’s just going to get lost.

    Very true. I could probably comission my mother to do it. She would only shake her head at my request. I’m sure she would still do a damn good job of blinging me out in all my evil glory.

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