March 19, 2008 at 12:42 pm 14 comments

Amended to add: I have a new review Romance Junkies.
I’ve been doing some soul searching, in technical terms agent searching. I’ve been looking for the one that is going to fall in love with my writing and hopefully will bring me the big duckets because of it. Well, I have low standards. If I can garner 5k after the 15 percent they’ll be my BFF. So, borrowing from my fellow blogger, The Booklady, I’ve composed a letter to all potential Agents.
Dear Agent,

I have the most marketable novel you will ever be asked to represent. (Well, not really. It’s a first person women’s fiction/romantic comedy/contemporary romance with light paranormal elements.) And today I’m offering you the one time chance of representing this novel. (Well, maybe not one time, because if you don’t accept me now you’ll probably be seeing my name again when I have a new novel to pitch. Trust me that one REALLY will be marketable.)

Out of the thousands of agents I could have picked, I’ve chosen you. (Well…not really, but that’ll be my little secret of how many other queries I’ve sent out that reads just like this one.) It’s a 1,000 page long winded saga of a women who discovers her libido. The heroine breathes from the page she is so realistic. The hero will blow your socks off he’s so sexy. (Depending on if this query is for a male agent I’ll edit accordingly.)

When Sheba goes home she is faced with an ex-boyfriend, her crazy mother, and her evil twin sister Twanda. Will she ever find love?

We’ll you’ve got to request my book to find out. I have absolutely no writing credits to speak of, except that one time I was a reporter for my school’s newspaper back in the fifth grade. When you Google my name just ignore the porn star named Melissa Going Down South and you’ll find a million blog post and comments. My grammar is stellar even on those.

I’m looking forward to hear from you, but just in case I’ve decided not to put a stamp on the SASE in case you’re not interested. I might as well save up for the agent I really want to represent me and put the stamp on that envelope.

Sincerely yours,

Melissa Going Down South Blue


Entry filed under: agents.


14 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Rhonda Stapleton  |  March 19, 2008 at 2:05 pm

    *snort* hilarious…

  • 2. booklady  |  March 19, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    That was hilarious! I especially loved the “1,000 page long winded saga”. Then again, the part about deciding to put a stamp on the SASE just in case could be the funniest part. It’s hard to say.

    And it’s so funny that you posted that, because I have something similar in my drafts file. It still needs to be re-worked, though.

    I just love open letters, especially when I don’t know what to blog about.

  • 3. booklady  |  March 19, 2008 at 2:44 pm

    P.S. You’re going to Nationals in S.F. this summer, aren’t you? I think I saw that on the WIFFER boards. See you there?

  • 4. Mel  |  March 19, 2008 at 3:32 pm

    Rhonda, I laughed the whole time I was writing it last night. For only a moment I considered sending it out to see if I got any takers.

  • 5. Mel  |  March 19, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    No,this one is my favorite line, “I have absolutely no writing credits to speak of, except that one time I was a reporter for my school’s newspaper back in the fifth grade.”

    And, yes, I’m supposed to be going to SF. I have to save up 1k+ before July. I’m not very good at saving mula. we’ll see how things go.

  • 6. bettie  |  March 19, 2008 at 5:07 pm

    I love it. It made me smile this morning. Thanks!

  • 7. Amie  |  March 19, 2008 at 9:55 pm

    You’re crazy but I love you.

  • 8. Mel  |  March 19, 2008 at 11:12 pm

    Lol, Amie.

  • 9. Allie Boniface  |  March 20, 2008 at 1:06 pm

    Too funny – I love it 🙂

  • 10. Mel  |  March 20, 2008 at 3:20 pm

    Thanks, Allie. I’m probably going to link this post to my website on my writer’s page.

  • 11. raine  |  March 21, 2008 at 5:27 am

    Oh this was great, lol!
    I’m with you on saving the postage. *snort!*

    And congrats on the great reviews!

  • 12. Mel  |  March 21, 2008 at 2:54 pm

    I’m with you on saving the postage.

    Lol. The day before I wrote this the mailman was nice enough to place one of the envelopes I’d forgotten to put postage on, back in my mailbox. My excuse, it had postage on the SASE.

  • 13. Edie  |  March 24, 2008 at 2:48 pm

    LOLOL Love it, Mel! It started my day off with a laugh.

  • 14. Mel  |  March 24, 2008 at 3:11 pm

    I’m still considering sending this letter out to see if I get any bites. I don’t think it’ll be professional, but if the agent finds the humor in it maybe they’ll request. Or not. Lol.

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