CONFESSIONS OF A ROMANCE AUTHOR

February 21, 2008 at 2:30 pm 6 comments

It’s been a month since I last confessed…

Oh, my, it’s that time again, but I’m happy to say not much has bothered me in my reading. The things that did…well they made it to the list.

1. I must ask this and don’t take offense if you have ever done it, but what’s with the teeth thing? Why must the hero’s teeth “flash”. Does he have a hidden camera in his mouth? Have I stepped into a Colgate commercial and not know it? It’s nice, yeah, that the man has all his teeth and that they are white and shiny, but must the heroine’s knees buckle at the sight of them. It’s just a curious question and like most things that irritate me I find myself about to write them. It’s a disease, but I was strong enough to fight the “his teeth flashed” phrase. (a sidenote: I was not reading a paranormal when I read this line.)

2. Bettye pointed this out and then I read it and had to laugh. “The kiss was punishing.” Okay, first let’s attack the passive voice, because some writers tried to avoid that by writing. “He kissed her punishingly.” Then I can attack the adverb, but really stop it with the whole phrase. Have you ever been kissed “punishingly”? It can’t be arousing. You can’t sell me on that one.

3. Since we are on kisses and the like let me address the one I’m SOOOO guitly of: “He devoured her… (lips, skin, and dear baby jesus, please, not her genitals)

A. Synonyms for this word can be : 1. eat greedily (find the pun in that.); 2. Demolish

B. Depending on the person the first one wouldn’t be too bad. But who wants to be demolished while having a little four play?

Still not sold on giving this word up?

Let me give you a scenario. Your d.d./dw, or significant other starts to kiss ya. He/She uses a little teeth. Not bad. You are getting into the groove of things…then he/she start to chew…vigorously. I mean he/she are going at you like they haven’t eaten in WEEKS. Hold that imagine…Now won’t you go WTF? and then say, “I am not a BLT sandwich!”

On that note I think ’nuff is said. Readers out there give me so more things you find in romance novels that make you go WTF? Cliches, bad visuals…go at it in the comments.

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Entry filed under: confessions.

IT AIN’T JUST MY MAMA… THE ACTOR’S STUDIO

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Edie  |  February 22, 2008 at 12:43 am

    So funny, Mel. I had a couple in my book kiss hard and fast, but not punishing (or punishingly). They didn’t devour each other either. Although licking each other is always nice. Maybe a little toe or finger sucking. LOL

    I skim over so many sex scenes. For a sex scene to hold my attention, it has to be different and it has to be real.

  • 2. Mel  |  February 22, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    Hell in real life licks are nice. You know I give a sex scene paragraph to grab me. If I think it’s going to be painful I skip it.

  • 3. Kate Diamond  |  February 23, 2008 at 10:16 pm

    A RESPONSE TO DEVOURING: “Baby, just treat me like a tuna melt on rye.”

    Ooh. I think I just found a new line for my book.

  • 4. Mel  |  February 24, 2008 at 3:51 pm

    LMAO.

  • 5. bettye griffin  |  February 28, 2008 at 4:13 am

    Mel, I’ve never seen the line about the flashy teeth, but I agree with the yuck factor. It makes me visualize a man with a mouthful of gold teeth with diamond inserts. Not pleasant!

  • 6. Mel  |  March 1, 2008 at 7:03 pm

    And diamond inserts?! Lol. The “Hyphy Movement” that’s been going in California and every has to have “a grill” (platinum, gold, teeth for both top and bottom). So eeww brushing your teeth with jewelry cleaner. But really I just don’t get the thing with the teeth.

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