February 10, 2008 at 5:31 pm 7 comments

I woke up this morning and turned my phone on to find I already had a voicemail message. Before I could listen to it my father calls me. I just talked to him last night. Without having to pick up I know what he’s going to tell me. I’m not sure who, but I know someone has died.

He has the tone.

My father is the guy that cracks a joke every five seconds. But he has the TONE. I’m thinking it’s my grandmother. She’s in her 70s. Sorry to be crass, but the clock is ticking for her. Maybe one of my uncles or aunts. We don’t have the greatest health in the family. And so I prepare myself a little bit. This is useless after he tells me it’s my cousin’s newborn baby.

I’m one of those people who can rationalize anything so I can get through it. If it had been my granmother see the above sentence. I’d keep my memories of her and move on the best I can. But this death, I can’t make sense of this. Everything I want to say just feels inadequate. I’m trying to make a living from words and I can’t think of one to say to her that will do anything. The only thing I can do is be her family and be there.

So just keep my family in your prayers.


Entry filed under: Uncategorized.


7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Marianne Arkins  |  February 10, 2008 at 9:01 pm

    Oh… so sad… babies dying is one of those things I just don’t understand.

    Sending you (((hugs)))…

  • 2. Mel  |  February 11, 2008 at 12:04 am

    Thanks, Marianne. A family member dying is never easy, but a death of a baby just kind of takes a piece of you.

  • 3. Patricia W.  |  February 11, 2008 at 4:37 pm

    Many prayers for your family, Mel. Losing a child is the hardest of all.

  • 4. Jess  |  February 11, 2008 at 7:39 pm

    Ohhhh, Mel. *many hugs* I’m so sorry.

    Sometimes, there really aren’t any words, which is the scariest time of all for a writer. 😦

  • 5. Clover Autrey  |  February 11, 2008 at 8:00 pm

    I am so sorry. I lost my oldest child at 3 months. You never, never get over it, and the sad feeling your cousin has now will forever be just as intense as they are now, but they should be. How could she ever want to not feel about her little precious child as intensely as she does now. Twenty years later, the slightest thing will bring me to tears, yet the frequency lessens and the ability to deal with it. Your cousin will be irrevokably changed from this time forward. Things that used to matter a great deal won’t hold any importance. She’ll carry much more empathy for others, but she’ll also understand and appreciate true moments of joy so much more completely.

    My prayers are with her as she goes through the steps of mourning. Be quiet and let her rail when the anger step hits. She needs to go through it.

  • 6. Mel  |  February 11, 2008 at 9:03 pm

    Thanks both Patricia and Jess.

  • 7. Mel  |  February 11, 2008 at 9:15 pm

    I’m sorry for your loss, Clover. And I completely understand. Nothing will change the fact that it’s your child and your child died.

    And I told my sister yesterday that it’s like the scene from Steel Magnolia’s but no one has cracked a joke yet. So yes the anger is coming out and I just hope everyone understands the why and not to get caught up the platitudes that they think will help. Those words never help.

    Then again the curse and blessing that is family, every one is going to want her to grieve the way they see fit. My only goal is to keep her away from sharp implements. (and not because I think she’ll use them against herself.)

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