January 18, 2008 at 4:16 pm 16 comments

First the winner for my first contest eva is….Amber.


Tell her what she’s won…

My debut novel How Much You Want to Bet? Amber e-mail me (melissablue84 (at) yahoo (dot) com )and I’ll send it to you PDF form. Hopefully, you enjoy reading it as much I enjoyed writing it. To every one who reads my blog don’t feel cheated, all next month, to celebrate the release of my debut novel, I’ll drawing names every Friday from every single comment made on my blog. Yup, it’s a leap year so it’ll be 4 winners (I think) Tell all your friends and family.

Really all of them.

Now to the actual blog post. This time I’m going to confess to phrases or words that makes my eye twitch from reading or writing them.

1. “She writhed from pleasure.”

I know I’ve mentioned this one before, but I think it deserves a second reminding. Just cut this word from your vocabulary. It’ll make the world a better place.

2. “She was aflame with desire.”

Dear God. Do I even need to explain myself? Nope. Self-explanatory.

3. “Their gazes met.” or “She met his gaze.” or “He met her gaze.”

*hangs head in shame* This phrase is my weakness. I cut at least 15 of these out of my books. I don’t cut all of them which means I should be burned at the stake. This phrase is overused, has lost it’s luster, and should never be used again. But it’s just oh, so, tempting to put it in.

4. “His cock twitched.”

Send the man to the doctor. Something must be seriously wrong if the man’s penis moves on it’s on accord. Just don’t write it. I don’t want to read how a man’s penis has epilepsy. It is not attractive. Trust me.

5. “She cried out from her release.”

Yes, I may be guilty, but still this is BAD. Save a reader from an eye roll.

6. “She narrowed her eyes.” or my favorite, “Her brow raised.”

I’m GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY of overusing these. I’m hell on a character eyes and eyebrows.

7. “Their lips met in a chaste kiss.”

GUILTY. You know how a child gets teased because of their name, I can see a million ways to change the wording of this phrase and it’s just damn comical.

“Their lips met in a chaffing kiss.”

8. “His velvet shaft.”

Really, no further explanation is needed.

I think that ends my segment, because really I just think if his shaft is velvet wouldn’t it tickle?

Tell me some of the words or phrases that you wish could be banned from romance.


Entry filed under: confessions.


16 Comments Add your own

  • 1. booklady  |  January 18, 2008 at 10:48 pm

    Those are hilarious! I especially loved number four. Priceless. My most-hated phrase (or, in this case, word) is instinct/instinctively. It’s usually used incorrectly, to describe a learned behavior and not an innate one, and it’s often used to say, “I don’t know why the character did it…Hey, I know! It was instinct!”

  • 2. Mel  |  January 18, 2008 at 11:58 pm

    Guilty! Lol. I think it was on SB where they linked to a list of words commonly mis-used. Can’t remember if instinctively was on there, but Ironic was. I can say again Guilty.

    Oh, and I promised the post would be funny.

  • 3. raine  |  January 19, 2008 at 7:36 am

    But they DO twitch, Mel! Really they do! LMAO!!!! 😀

    Okay, my pet peeve in many romances (I may have used it myself and may again, not sure, lol)…

    “His iron/steel/stiff/rigid/swollen/etc. MANHOOD…”

    No, no, no, no, no.
    A firm dick is no more an indicator of one’s “manhood” than a sperm donor is necessarily a “father”.
    Please use sparingly.

  • 4. Barrie  |  January 19, 2008 at 9:11 am

    Ha! Ha! Because I write middle grade, I never, ever deal with these phrases. Funny!

  • 5. Mel  |  January 19, 2008 at 2:59 pm

    Raine-They are a many amazing things a male member can do. I’ve yet to see it twitch on its OWN. LMAO. Really if a man turned to you and said, “I didn’t just do that.” You’d guys might both be scared. Or entertaining depending on the individuals. Lol.

    But I think I can safely say I haven’t used “manhood of steel(iron, stiff…) But then again one day I might be out of names to call it. Only time will tell.

  • 6. Mel  |  January 19, 2008 at 3:00 pm

    Barrie- There have been a many of days I thought, “maybe I should just write YA.” I still might, because I love YA, but not because I’m disgusted with my own wording. Well, lets hope.

  • 7. Amie Stuart  |  January 20, 2008 at 10:58 am

    I’m so guilty of twitching cocks *sighhangshead* and swollen cl*ts too….like as in overused hehe

    I”m also guilty of gazing….but not too much I hope *glances at Raine*

  • 8. bettye griffin  |  January 20, 2008 at 1:25 pm

    Funny, Mel! I’ll add to the mix, “He deepened the kiss,” a phrase I’ve seen in way too many romances; “He gave her a moment to adjust to his size,” and the all-time chamnp, “Like a moth to a flame.” Yuck.

  • 9. Mel  |  January 20, 2008 at 3:09 pm

    Amie-Oh, man I forgot the “glances”. *hangsheadinguilt* sometimes when I’m trying to get rid of all the “gazes” I replace them with glances. I just think I’m horrid at having my characters move.

  • 10. Mel  |  January 20, 2008 at 3:12 pm

    “He deepened the kiss,”

    Guilty. When I’m revising I’m always trying to look out for these types of phrases and re-write them. I never catch them all or know what would be better.

    He gave her a moment to adjust to his size,” I usually only see this one in historicals, especially when the heroine is a virgin. I just think at some point we get what the author is trying to convey, but we want them to give it to us in a different way.

    And this one, “Like a moth to a flame.”

    Just cracks me up when I see it now.

  • 11. Shelia  |  January 20, 2008 at 3:30 pm

    LOL…I think I’m guilty as charge and will try not to commit the same offense again going forward…lol

  • 12. Mel  |  January 20, 2008 at 9:54 pm

    Sheila-Lol. Just wait, these words are nefarious. They will sneak into your ms when you least expect it. Lol.

  • 13. Jennifer Elbaum  |  January 21, 2008 at 1:59 am

    Mel you’ve got to jump over to my pal Beth Ciotta’s blog.

    Put the word “beneath” into the search box, and it’ll bring you to a post I think you’ll appreciate!!!

  • 14. Edie  |  January 22, 2008 at 4:49 am

    Love this blog. I write women’s fiction, so I don’t have to use stock phrases. But how about describing orgasms as explosions? “Their world exploded.” “She exploded in his arms.” “He exploded inside her.”

    The last one is an automatic turn off for me.

  • 15. Mel  |  January 22, 2008 at 4:56 am

    “He exploded inside her.”

    One word. Ick!

    The big problem is romanticing something that is GROSS when you really think about. Kissing? You are swapping spit. Sex? Well, let’s not get into what you are swapping. But yeah trying not to describe most sex scenes like a medical textbook is hard, which when someone does it well you absolutely respect them.


    Jennifer, I saw what you were talking about. She had writing on her brain.

  • 16. Jennifer Elbaum  |  January 22, 2008 at 3:35 pm

    You mean it’s not every man’s fantasy to have a woman writing beneath him? lol

    Ditto on the explosions!

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