January 16, 2008 at 4:42 pm 19 comments

This is the third post I’ve started with the intent to pubish. I swear I’m going to do it this time. But on to the post title…

This is the main reason why I’m posting for the third time(as you’ve noticed the other two aren’t published). I started the other two and thought, “God, I’m bored with writing this.”

Then it came to me, I’m trying to be entertaining, informational, and FUNNY. That’s damn hard to do when you’ve been posting for two years. What subject have I not blathered on about? How many times can you write about the writing process and make it sound funny?

Then I started racking my brain. I don’t knit so no funny yarn jokes from me. I don’t exercise, even though I need to, so no funny pilates gone bad stories. My kids are only funny to me, because I know I’ve already damaged them by giving them my genes. I see extensive therapy in their future for the poor little guys. I’m single…sorry that’s just too painful to joke about.

Then I started to think funny is subjective. What cracks me up may not make some else’s mouth even twitch. So what do I have for you since you’ve bared with me through this painful post? An excerpt. I know, I know, but the good news if you COMMENT you have a chance to WIN a free e-book. CONTEST!CONTEST!CONTEST!(sorry, I always wanted to do that.) The free e-book is mine of course. Come on you know you wanna. I’ll annouce the winner on Friday where the post will be funny. I promise. Okay, I’ll stop now and give you the excerpt.(copywritten, blah, blah, publication page to prove it, blah, blah.)

She didn’t bother to get dressed before heading downstairs. Gib was leaning against the porch post holding a thermos and two mugs.

“Don’t you look chipper.”

“Why do you feel the need to wake me up?”

“You’re a breath of fresh air, and I want to start my mornings with you frowning at me.” He lifted the thermos. “I brought gifts.”

“It better not be espresso.” She stepped back to let him in, but not before she realized she hadn’t combed her hair. Vanity aside, a bird’s nest was a bird’s nest, no matter what you called it. He settled on the loveseat, looking comfortable and as if he didn’t have a care in the world. He looked right sitting there and, because he did, Neil said, “Why are you being the bane of my existence?”

“But I brought coffee.” Gib grinned at her before pouring her a cup. She didn’t want to be at ease around him. Ease led to other things, and those things led to worse things, like companionship and someone to lean on. Neil stayed by the door. “It’s not poison. Are you cold?”

“It could be Spanish fly. And no, I’m not cold.”

Gib sighed. “You know there’s this saying, if a woman protests too much…”

Neil narrowed her eyes. She could handle this situation two ways, and unfortunately neither option involved cement shoes. She accepted the lesser of the two evils and sat down on the couch across from him, accepting the cup he offered.

“What’s your angle, playboy?”

“Getting chummy with the worksite manager.”

“It has nothing to do with the fact that I’m a woman who doesn’t fall at your feet?”

She missed his answer, because she was melting into the couch after her first sip. It was black and strong. The rich taste blossomed on her tongue and it took everything in her not to groan in pleasure. “Did you come straight from Columbia with this stuff?”

“I have it delivered and I grind it myself.” The grin was back, and Neil tried to ignore it. The coffee was bad enough. “I could have sworn we had this conversation before.”

“I believe wholeheartedly in beating the dead horse just so everyone has an understanding.” She took another sip. “Hush for a moment. You’re ruining the coffee.”

“If I’d known…”

She glared at him. He chuckled and leaned back in the chair. His hands ran down the side of the material until he placed them on the edge of the armrests. As she watched his hands, it felt like he was touching her, caressing her skin. She glanced down at the cup. It had to be Spanish fly in this stuff. She cleared her throat. “I think we need terms.” Otherwise, he’d lace her coffee every morning until she gave.


She noted he hadn’t poured himself a cup. “Yes, for this work relationship.”

“Relationship.” He paused.” I like the sound of it.”

“You missed the word ‘work’ then.”

Gib shrugged. “Semantics.”


“You like me.”

Neil took another sip of the coffee. She’d told a number of lies over the years, and she wasn’t about to add to them. As Gib leaned forward in interest and she noted the way his forearms flexed, she started to feel incredibly warm for a cool spring day. She glanced back down at the cup. Definitely Spanish fly.


Entry filed under: contest, excerpt.


19 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Stacey Joy Netzel  |  January 16, 2008 at 7:00 pm


    You caught my attention with the contest–grin–you held it with the excerpt–very good and yes, funny! Now, I don’t know if I should feel stupid or not, but I have to go google Spanish Fly. LOL

    I did laugh at your post, too, about how you’ve damaged your kids just by giving them your genes. I’m sure it’s not true at all, but it was cute!

  • 2. Mel  |  January 16, 2008 at 7:25 pm

    Lol. If you haven’t found out this info by now, Spanish fly is an illegal substance used to make a woman (or man) extremely horny. Think of a dog that humps a person’s leg all the time then you’ve got the right image.

  • 3. stacey joy netzel  |  January 16, 2008 at 7:28 pm

    I was thinking it was along those lines. 🙂

    I read down through some of your other posts–nice blog.

  • 4. Sheryl  |  January 16, 2008 at 7:50 pm

    You are hilarious, girl. We obviously have the same SOH, as in great! Lurrrve your excerpt. I have a note. It’s my birthday: Feb 15!! Yay!

  • 5. Mel  |  January 16, 2008 at 8:32 pm

    Thanks, Stacey.

  • 6. Miss Mae  |  January 16, 2008 at 11:52 pm

    Mmm, Gib is incredibly masculine…I imagine him looking like Lionel Richie…grrrowl!!

    Miss Mae

  • 7. amber polo  |  January 17, 2008 at 12:25 am

    Love your website. You are funny!

    Love the excerpt!
    And really want to know how the WIP progress doo dads work.


  • 8. Mel  |  January 17, 2008 at 2:18 am

    Miss Mae, you cannot have him, he’s Neil’s. Now I have to tell you she’s a spitfire.

  • 9. Patricia W.  |  January 17, 2008 at 5:40 pm

    Don’t worry about being funny in your blog posts, although I totally feel your pain. I love the humor in your excerpt.

  • 10. Mel  |  January 17, 2008 at 8:36 pm

    Thanks, Patricia. And I worry about funny when it comes to my blog post because I hate reading a blog that doesn’t give me anything special or unique to them. Frankly, I see myself as a funny person and think that’s my uniqueness. So I try to give that to the readers here.

  • 11. Jess  |  January 17, 2008 at 9:06 pm

    Aside from my good friend’s fiance being Neal and my confusion over the fact your Neil is a girl, I liked the excerpt a lot. You ARE funny!! Favorites being the cement shoes and “Shush, you’re ruining the coffee!” Priceless. 😀

  • 12. Mel  |  January 17, 2008 at 9:29 pm

    “Shush, you’re ruining the coffee.”

    Is one of my favorites, too.

    And Neil is a special kind of woman. She works in construction and not as a secretary. Girly, frou-frou things are not her style. So giving her a man sounding name made perfect sense to me.

  • 13. Kate Diamond  |  January 18, 2008 at 2:25 pm

    Great post.

    Actually, your thoughts on humor made me think of a Jenny Crusie article. I think she put it up on her website. It’s about humor and how female humor may be different from masculine humor. Good read.

  • 14. Mel  |  January 18, 2008 at 3:21 pm

    That article runs along the same lines that women and men write differently. But my favorite article is “Rats with Islands”.

  • 15. booklady  |  January 18, 2008 at 10:51 pm

    Thank you! So I’m not the only one? I spent a year not blogging because I just couldn’t keep up with the posting. I felt as if I had said everything, and every time I posted something I immediately wanted to go back and delete the post, knowing it wasn’t good enough, that it would surely disappoint anyone who read it. I’m trying to get over that, though, because I know that if I’m ever published it will then be an issue again, only with entire books, not just tiny blog posts.

  • 16. Amie Stuart  |  January 20, 2008 at 11:02 am

    LOVELY Chemistry in your excerpt! And as for the kids…well I’ve got two of them too and you totally cracked me up. Mine are either making me laugh about stuff I never remember to blog about or making me want to kill them.

  • 17. Mel  |  January 20, 2008 at 3:04 pm

    Booklady(Jess, right?)-No you are not the only one. I love to blog. It allows me to blather on just about anything. It’s just finding new things to blather on about.

  • 18. Mel  |  January 20, 2008 at 3:07 pm

    Amie-Lol. I know what you mean. For me it’s the whole sibling rivalry that drives me up the wall. So I figure I can buy some boxing gloves and let them at it.

    But most times they are cracking me up. I gave birth to two little smart-asses that think they are doing a 24/7 stand up comedy routine. I love them to death.

  • 19. Amie Stuart  |  January 21, 2008 at 5:31 pm

    HAAAAAAA Our children must have been separated at birth. You just described my house.

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