CLUELESS DAMSEL IN DISTRESS

May 29, 2007 at 6:50 pm Leave a comment

My weekend started off with a puff of smoke. I decided to park in the back of my apartment’s near the trashcan. I come outside with my son and I see smoke billowing out of the garbage area. I’m not really freaked out because it wasn’t enough smoke to make me think raging fire in a matter of seconds. At the same time all big fires starts off small.

I see what’s burning. It’s a book. Already the culprit is on my shit list. I debate whether I should call the fire department. I rather not call 911 for something that isn’t life threatening. But I’m a writer and as I stand there my mind starts to run what if’s in my brain. There is trash all around and I’m seeing in my mind it catching fire and coming home from grocery shopping. I can see my apartment complex engulfed in flames.

I groan, still not ready to call the fire department. My solution is to fill up a cup of water and toss it on the smoldering book. Steam blows at me, exciting my son and making me scream.

I stare down the book hoping for it to magically to stop smoking. I turn to leave and think about the fact I don’t have renter’s insurance and what if it comes out that I saw the smoldering book that started the wild fire that burnt down the complex and I did nothing.

I break down and call the fire department. Repeating to the operator, “If my water hose reached, seriously I wouldn’t be calling.”

Of course the finest of the finest come to my rescue. I would have felt bad if they were all suited up to fight my “fire”.

Needless to say I was in acute danger of being Too Stupid To Live. They broke out a water back put out my fire. The guy in charge turns to the one with the water pack and says, “Do you feel satisfied that this fire is out?”

He says, “Yes.”

Then the head guy replies, “Everyday you are going to face life and death. Today is not one of those days, but good job.”

At this point I’ve feel like I have an I.Q. of -450 but that’s okay because every day as a writer I get new material to write about. And this is definitely going in a book some day.

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FIRST LINES and THEIR IMPORTANCE EXPECTATIONS AND WHAT NOT

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