Uh, Universe, Thanks I got the Memo

Have a lot of blog posts been cropping up saying you have to up your game. Or is it just me?

If it’s just me then Universe I got the memo. I’m doing just that, hence the year of the writer. It can also just mean I need to get my sorry tail off the internet.

So, how do I know I’m doing this?

Well, I’m not the same writer I was three years ago. Heck, I’m not the same writer I was a year ago. I still don’t know when to cut, but I do know I get there eventually. I never used to do that. I used to guard my words like they were precious jewels. Here’s the thing about precious jewels, when they first come out of the ground they are old, crusty rocks. No one would wear that first phase even if you paid them. That old, crusty rock is then cut and shaped into what we see today. Yeah, think about it, people throw away diamond, ruby, emerald dust that is useless. It’s then inspected by other individuals and a price tag is slapped on it, but what you get out of that old, crusty rock is worth something. You look at the beautiful piece of jewerly and never think about what it looked like before it got to you.

I didn’t know that. I had blinders on in which I believe my WIPs were already jewels. I didn’t toss away nothing. Worse, I tried to sell that old crusty rock to people.

Oh, the shame.

The main lesson I’ve learned, publishing isn’t going anywhere. No time soon at least. And, why not take my time to cut and shape that worthless piece of rock into something someone would actually want to own. The better question is why wouldn’t every writer?

Patience is one. Timing is another. And, having the tools to do it is really the challenge for me.

So, today’s question: Did you get the memo?

That’s It, I’m Writing A Paranormal-Futuristic-Interracial-Erotic Romance

So here’s the pitch:

One day my heroine is walking in the woods when a werewolf jumps from behind a redwood and bites her. She starts having these strange, erotic dreams where she turns all furry and has hot fangy sex with a strange wild animal. This wild animal has white fur compared her to black fur.

By the end of the week, she starts to sniff the men around her, and that’s when she realizes “I’m in heat”. She decides to visit the mad scientist on the edge of town. He tells her he can help.

He sends her into space. Her craft lands on a strange planet where–you’ve guessed it–werewolves live. All shades of fur, but then she sees the one she’s been having erotic dreams about. She knows his scent and knows she must mate. Now.

They do. She ends up expecting and they live happily ever after.

THE END

No, I haven’t fallen off my rocker. I read this blog post about what’s really selling, at least at Samhain. I figured I’d give you an example of what not to do just to sell.

BUT, if you do find yourself with a story you are passionate about it won’t hurt…

What is Sexual Tension?

The best romance, my favorite, your favorite has it. It’s intangible. It’s the one thing you can’t touch, but you know it when you see it. Right now I’m trying to live in it. I’m trying to think how does sexual tension work. What is the best way for me to describe it.

I can and I have, but I still need inspiration. I found this and boy can I tell you this is IT:

You may go take a cold shower now.

How Different are Men and Women, Really?

First go check out Southern Fried Chicas, just to see the picture of the baby.

Anyway, I was on Divas and found a thread in the men’s section. It’s the section where you can ask men something and they reply. In this particular thread a fellow diva wanted to know do men agonize over when and why they should have sex. The answers surprised me. Yes, in fact some men don’t just think with their tool alone. The best example I read referred to how some women do agonize v. some women who don’t.

It made perfect sense and got me thinking, even though it was early in the morning, how far stereotypes Men are From Mars and Women from Venus have gone. Of course the double standard is that men can be whores and women can’t. At least without ridicule or some helpful person suggesting that a woman who sleeps around were abused as a young child.

Do you believe in these stereotypes or have you actually witnessed exceptions?

I Feel Stupid, but It’s Okay

I was watching PBS last night. They were talking about a woman who was a sharp shooter back in the late 1800s. This woman rocked socks with a gun. And then they said her name–Anne Oakely.

WTF? She was real? This may have been common knowledge, but I just thought she was a character in a book. Some farm girl, but this woman was no farm girl by any standards.

Anyway–Moment of Stupidity brought to you by Melissa Blue.

Do you have any?

I Did Something Crazy

Before:

I’m Totally In My Element

Remember when I posted a few weeks back about caveats, you know about patting yourself on the back when it’s well deserved. Well, folks, I finally get my chance to shine. At school. I’ve been designated to give the closing arguments for the mock trial we are having in May. We’ve spent two semesters reading the material of this case–and I’m sure my classmates would agree that it will be burned once we are done–I know it back and forth. I can almost recite pages.

But that’s not what has me all geeked out. Our guest speaker talked about the importance of having a Theme and Theory of our case. I perked up. I know themes. I swim in them as a writer. And, then he said the best way to start opening statements or closing arguments is to tell a story.

OMG!!! Are you kidding me? We can do that?

And, then this man said something that just made me want to marry him. *paraphrased* “Have a compelling opening line.” I’ve got 6 weeks to come up with an opening line, a compelling one. The carrot at the end of the stick is that the winner of this mock trial gets extra credit. At this point in the school process my expectations are low. Just give me a freaking C so I can get my Paralegal Certificate.

But, the overachiever, buried deep inside, is coming to life. A compelling opening line? And I have 6 weeks to rearrange it, re-write, perfect it until it shines and it rolls off my lips…

I feel so sorry for the other side. I will apologize now and say I’m sorry I drop kicked you. No hard feelings, but it had to be done. I’m going to make your client look like he tortures puppies for kicks and giggles. By the time I am done talking, you are just going to tell the jury you quit. *And, really, you should see the other side’s candidate.*

Yes, sorry that I’m going to have to beat you like you stole something with just my words.

Okay, I’m done gloating. Have you ever “shined”? Doesn’t matter if it’s writing or not. Brag on yourself a little bit, and remember no caveats.

Bingo Is In Fact the First Ring of Hell

*Slot machines in Vegas Airport*

Even though I live in California, we still have access to casinos. At one particular casino on your birthday you can play Bingo free. You get the type of packet that makes hardcore Bingo goers drool, and as many as you can handle. So you play for free with the idea that maybe you can walk away with at least $50-$1,000. Sounds exciting to a noob like me.

Until I was there for four hours without realizing it. The games started at 6:30 and I didn’t leave the casino until 10:30. I didn’t win a dime, unfortunately. So I’m completely soured by this experience. Plus, I’m not a gambler. I figure every day I wake up I’m playing the odds against life. The next time I close my eyes and go to sleep I’m rolling the dice and my luck might change at any moment.

The high point: I got to see diehard gamblers in action. Talk about desperation. It’s thick in the air. Everytime someone called out Bingo the whole room seemed to moan. And, the atmosphere that this casino was another planet i.e. the first ring of hell, is that the moment you walk in your slapped with an invisible hand of cigarette smoke. To explain I live in California. In order to have a smoke you are confined to a small area where people get to stop by, point at you and laugh. Okay, not really, but it feels that way. So to go inside a building and smoke is apparent is a throw back to the days where Denny’s had a smoking section.

Once you are inside you can’t tell what time of day it is. Let me put it this way, if the world was to ever end I would go to a casino for shelter. They have their own economic system with food supplies.

At the same time it’s sad. Some people were there just to see if they could win. Other’s were hoping, praying to win. Their life, in those hours, depended on getting a Bingo.

Have you ever gone to a casino

1985 the Bestest Year Ever

1985 was an incredible year. Here’s are some well known or not so well known facts about this wonderful year.

Madonna’s Like A Virgin is the number one album and single simulataneously. My mom will never admit to this, but “Material Girl” was playing on the radio when I made my first world-wide appearance.

“Start Spreading the News” New York, New York becomes a hit in New York.

Care Bears release their first movie.

Back to the Future is released. ‘Nuff Said.

Oh, one can’t forget…A brain, and an athlete, and a basketcase, a princess and a criminal.

Prince and The Revolution. Who I might add inspired Tipper Gore to start something called Parental Adversary Labels. No this is not another attempt for the Gore’s to say they “created” something.

This one I can’t blame her. Catching my 12 year old singing “I met her in a hotel lobby, masturbating to a magazine.” I’d go batshit crazy too.

A star was born around 5 o’clock in the afternoon.

A sidenote to this unknown fact: I stole that tiara from a five year old child and wore it on my birthday last year. It had a princess on it. It had to be done.

Okay, if that wasn’t enough to swing you to my way of thinking, here is another unknown fact about how great this year was. YouTube was born. Here’s the proof.

Confessions of a Romance Author: Writer Crazy Edition

I don’t know how long since I last confessed. It just felt time to do so.

This here post are for the readers out there who thinks there favorite writer is sane. I’m sorry to inform you, we, as a whole, are not. Here’s a list of examples:

1. Everyone daydreams…Writers can get lost in a daydream. Depending on the thought or character we can start to cry out of no where. It can be in our car, waiting in line at the grocery store, or at the doctor’s office. We can also laugh at the oddest times. Just ask my children.

2. Okay, let’s just say it, we spend hours of our free time with imaginary people. Doctor’s prescribe drugs for this. 

3.  We hear these imaginary people in our heads, talking to us or to other characters.

4. To piggy back off of number 3…You may not be aware fo the whole crazy rule when it comes to talking to yourself. Well, the old adage is that you aren’t crazy if you don’t argue back. I and many other writers argue with those “voices” back. Ex:

Character: I’m not doing that.

Writer: Yes, you are. I have it written down in the synopsis that you are supposed to do this in this chapter.

Character: No. Not doing it. You can’t make me.

Writer: I will you off.

Character: Ha. You can’t I’m the heroine of this story. You kill me, end of story, literally.

Writer: You are doing it.

Character: Fine. I just won’t talk to you anymore.

Writer: Fine.

….five days later. Writer grovels and apologizes to character.

Character: Look’s like someone couldn’t get their word count.

Writer: No need to get on your high horse.

Yes, writer crazy.

5. The last example should be proof enough, but lets continue…We lie to ourselves all the time. Now the type of lie is contingent on where we are at in the writing process. I know for me during the first draft of any story I tell myself I am the greatest writer who has ever walked the Earth. It’s complete rubbish, but it’s the lie I tell myself to get to the end. The funny thing here is that I don’t read what I’ve already written. I don’t let myself do that ’cause reality will set in that I am not the greatest writer that in fact what I’ve been slaving over is craptastic at best. If I let myself think about the market, heck just about the amount of revisions I’ll have to do none of my stories will ever get written.

The other types of lies is that I will get published. No one knows this. We just have a hope that we will get published.The cold hard reality is that there are thousands of writers out there and less than a fourth of those writers will see their work in print. This never crosses our minds. Okay, sometimes when we have the “I suck” mantra going, but most times we are in LaLa land.

This last one is pretty much a whooper full of crazy. But, of course there is one, without this crazy I wouldn’t have a single book on my shelf. I wouldn’t have the opportunity to lose myself in someone else’s world. So writer’s keep your crazy.

Wanna add some in the comments? Go ahead.